oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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