We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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