We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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