Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
