She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
