Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that