I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.