dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.