I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
