I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she told me i tasted like america
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
