it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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