ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
