If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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