Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
