idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
