Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
