Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
