i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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