dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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