porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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