She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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