saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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