Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
