90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
