dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
