so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
