i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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