I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
