i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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