OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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