so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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