The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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