My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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