um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
