I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
