She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
