New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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