I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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