first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
