Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
