i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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