I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
