did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
