Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
