i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
