Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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