Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
