this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
