I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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