Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
