I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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