And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
