My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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