im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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