chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
