david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
