I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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