The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
