So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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