Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
