So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
