i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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