Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
