We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
